Dating with Purpose: From Eye-Level Choices to God-Led Love

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." – Psalm 37:4

“Why are you even entertaining this man, Ashley? He’s not even in your caliber. Not even your speed.” Whew. That came straight from my best friend, and as much as I didn’t want to hear it… she wasn’t lying. Over the past four months, I’ve been entertaining men from a dating site. Some started with promise but fizzled out. Others? I probably should’ve left on read. And a few? Let’s just say—I’d rather not talk about it.

Can I be honest? Is this a safe space? Dating is hard. Like auditioning-for-America’s-Got-Talent-and-getting-an-X-from-every-judge hard. You think you’ve got chemistry, shared values, matching vibes… and then it falls flat. It’s exhausting, confusing, and sometimes, discouraging.

Recently, I was driving when a friend sent me a snippet from a devotional about singleness. I parked, read it, and let me tell you—whew, conviction hit different when you’re still in your car with gospel music softly playing. In that moment, it hit me: At my big ol’ age of 42, I’ve been dating for attention, not intention. Insert me sliding down the wall, crying and wailing.* The lie I believed? That any attention is better than no attention. But the truth? Settling for someone—just to have someone—isn’t God’s plan for me… or for you.

And the real kicker? I’d been trying to build something real without even consulting the ultimate matchmaker—God. I was out here choosing from my own limited perspective. Just picking men based on what looked good on paper (or profile). And clearly, my vision needs adjusting, because the results? A mess.

This isn’t about bashing anyone I’ve talked to. They’re not the problem. I wasn’t walking in my worth.

To date with purpose means being intentional—not just about what I want in a partner, but about who I am in Christ. It means seeking God first, trusting Him with my heart, and standing firm in the truth that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. I am already enough. Already chosen. Already loved.

So… I’m stepping back. Taking a break from dating—not out of bitterness, but out of obedience. I’m not seeking a relationship right now. I’m seeking God. Not for Him to deliver “the one,” but for Him to speak to me. To heal, to restore, to remind me who I am—His daughter. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Worth the wait.

I’ll wait until the day God taps me on the shoulder, sandal in hand, and whispers, “Turn around, daughter. I took him off back order just for you.”

#AshleySpeak

Reflection Questions:

• Am I dating to feel wanted, or am I dating with intention?

• Have I invited God into this part of my life, or have I been DIY-ing it?

  
  

Prayer: Lord, help me to delight in You first. Teach me to trust Your timing and Your plan. Remind me of my worth, and help me to walk in it daily. In Jesus Name, Amen