What Grief Taught Me (Part 2)

I hit the 1 year anniversary of when my mom went to see Jesus and the day wasn't what I expected. My family and I were supposed to go to Texas to see her headstone, but unfortunately we could not(thanks Covid), so we opted to have a small reflection ceremony and balloon release. I couldn't find the words to express how I felt, so I chose not to talk. It was beautiful to see others speak on her style, grace, and love she had for so many.

By the end of the night my grief hit me like a ton of bricks. I made it 365 days without my mother living. I laughed, cried, mourned, celebrated, stressed, and pushed without my biggest cheerleader here. How is that possible? Grief is tricky. It consumes you, yet it also pushes you. It makes you feel helpless and strong all at the same time. Grief taught me to value not just time, my family,my friends, but it taught me to value myself. To see that time is not always guaranteed, no matter how old or young you are. I've seen people die that were younger than me, older than me, and my same age. I had to take one of the most traumatic experiences and allow it to change me. How could I be "the same" after that? That's the question that still ponders within my heart.

No matter what, the influence my mother left on my life is so strong and relevant. I remember her words on my purpose, to make sure I never settle, and to take care of her babies(my kids). More than that, I want to be strong like her, to observe in quiet and speak in power. I want to be the best version of who I am...because that is how she saw and still sees me.

#AshleySpeak