When My Mama Heart Hurts...

When I became a mom, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't change diapers on the regular, I wasn't in tune with the latest lullabies, and I had no idea how I could love not only one baby...but eventually 2. I found myself raising my kids as a single woman...and if I can be honest, this shit is hard. REALLY HARD! I mean, I love my babies, I love them deep, but in the frenzy of preparing for babies, I didn't really prepare myself.

I did not prepare myself for the late night thoughts of "am I doing all I can do for them?" The feelings of guilt when my patience is thin, or the thoughts of how I missed "my old life." When I could come and go as I pleased, the only responsibility I had was to get to work on time, and dinner could consist of wine and Doritos. Yet, when my mama heart hurts, it hurts because I want to give my kids the world. I want to make sure they have what they need and want, to show them culture and life, and I want to raise them to know that love is all around them...even when it is hard.

My mama heart is so big and loves so hard, that when I have my bad days...it hurts so bad. When my patience is thin, my phone is my escape, and my mind is in a million places, my heart is still yearning to be better for my kids. To show them that mama is human, she hurts, and she tries her hardest to be better than the day before, Maybe this is only for me, but if you can relate, then sister-girl, join me in knowing that our mama hearts may hurt for the mistakes we make daily, but they are also full of grace, joy, and never ending amounts of love that can take a lifetime to fill...and feel. Love you deep sis~

#AshleySpeak