When the holidays are blue--ish.

I never really understood what the "holiday blues" were until after my mom died. It didn't feel the same anymore since she was gone. Sure, we pressed through for my kids and to see them happy, but knowing that those family celebrations would continue without her, didn't seem right or in all honesty fair.

This year I thought I could push through, enjoy the relaxing time of no work or any extra responsibilites, but it was actually the opposite. I realized I had some holiday blues, or in all truthfullness a tussle with depression. I emotionally detached from my kids, I laid in bed all day and watched tv and spent an enormous time on my phone, scrolling social media cause it was easier than dealing with my emotions.

I missed my extended family, laughing and enjoying them. I missed laughing with my cousins and talking to my aunt about upcoming church events, and enjoying my uncle's mouth-watering breakfast meals. I missed the normalcy of my life before July 16, 2021. These holidays...this time that is supposed to be for laughter, joy, family, all of the good stuff can often get overshadowed by grief, sadness, and the emptiness of loved ones' presence.

I, along with many others, belong to this really shitty club of "Missing people we never thought we would have to miss" and continuing life without them, especially in the most joyous time of the year. I ask of those of you reading this, to make sure you check on those who you know belong to this club, pray for them, offer them a listening ear, or just some time to honestly feel what they feel(cause we don't need you to fix anything...just be present).

This may sound like I'm rambling, but better out than in. Stay encouraged, love on your loved ones, and just keep going. We got this...even if don't always feel like we do.

#AshleySpeak